Nothing Even Matters
by The Girl In The Darkk
Summary: At age 13- he was tortured and abused. He could never live happily again. Only one male could bring him out of the darkness, and only one male could help him become happy again. Based on the song: Nothing Even Matters- Apocalyptica rated M for Mentions of Abuse, torture and other mature themes. One shot


Nothing Even Matters

**Warning: Rape, Abuse, Fluff and mentions of torture. Read at your own risk. **

The carefree 13 year old smiled happily as he walked home from school with his two best friends; Alois Trancy and Sebastian Michaelis. The trio laughed the whole way to Ciel's big home, where they would then split apart.

"Bye Ciel~ Oh, and Happy Birthday!" Alois called as the bluenette opened his front door. "See you at school tomorrow!"

Ciel rolled his eyes and waved goodbye, "Bye guys!" He yelled with a smile on his face, before walking into his big home.

Nothing Even Matters

Sebastian Michaelis woke up that morning, excited to hear all about his best friend's birthday. Throwing his legs over his bed, he put his long legs on the black carpeted floor. He stood up and got ready for the day.

He walked downstairs to see his mother and father sitting at the kitchen table, his father's large hand resting on his mother's tiny one.

"Mum? Dad? Is everything okay?" He asked, as he walked to the kitchen. The teenager pulled a chair from the wooden table and sat himself down.

"Sweetie…" Sebastian's mother started, tears forming in her brown eyes. "Last night, the Phantomhive manor was burned down. Everyone was killed." She choked out.

Sebastian was frozen in his seat. His crush was killed, on his birthday. Tears formed in his crimson eyes. He put his head in his hands, and let his tears flow free.

Sebastian didn't go to school that day- he just couldn't.

Nothing Even Matters

When the raven haired man finally decided to go back to school, he found out that the whole school mourned the death of Ciel Phantomhive. On Ciel's locker were flowers, final goodbyes, and even pieces of candy taped on, one of his favorite things to eat.

Ciel's cousin, Elizabeth, took the news the worst. She didn't come to school for a month after hearing the news. When she did finally come back, she would always distance herself from other people. Instead of wearing bright colors, she wore black.

Alois stopped smiling. His best friend since his birth was gone, and he would never come back. The blonde male's grades started dropping, he started skipping class, or school all together.

Sebastian took it the worst. He didn't talk to anyone; he stopped caring about his grades and even his health. He would never speak to anyone, not even if he was forced to.

Ciel's death affected a lot of people.

Nothing Even Matters.

A year passed since the Phantomhives died. Everybody started to accept the fact that Ciel had died, and was never coming back. Sebastian got out of his phase and got a boyfriend, Alois started to fix his grades, and Elizabeth started to cheer up, but she never forgot about her cousin.

The day was December 14th, Ciel's birthday. The whole school knew about it. They would always be at Elizabeth's locker, trying to cheer her up on a sad day like this.

It was math class when Elizabeth got a phone call that would change her life.

Today in class, they were working on a group project. As Sebastian, Alois and Elizabeth worked together, Elizabeth's phone went off.

She took her phone from her pocket, and put it to her ear, trying to not get caught by the teacher.

Suddenly, her eyes went wide, as tears formed in her green eyes. She mumbled a quick 'thank you' before hanging up.

A few minutes later, Elizabeth was called down to the office and left, not saying a word.

Nothing Even Matters

The young Michaelis walked to his house alone. He unlocked the door and stepped into the small suburban home. The raven haired teen walked into the kitchen where he grabbed an apple before walking to his living room and plopped down on his couch. His phone vibrated in his pocket. Taking out his black phone, he saw it was a text from Alois.

'Turn on Channel 4 news. Now.'

Sighing, the male turned on his TV and turned on the news. His eyes went wide at the report. A blonde woman stood outside the local hospital, a microphone in hand.

"Ciel Phantomhive is now receiving medical treatment. Doctors say that he was starved and severely injured."

Sebastian's hands shook, as he dropped the red fruit. He needed to see him, and fast. He shut the TV off and texted his mother.

'Do you think you can give me a ride?'

'Sure. Where do you need to go?'

'Wellington Hospital.'

Nothing Even Matters

When Sebastian got there- he wasn't allowed to see Ciel. They said he was in an unstable condition and was still traumatized from recent events.

A week passed until Ciel's friends were allowed to visit him. Sebastian entered quietly, along with Alois.

The two walked in to find Ciel sitting upright in his bed, bandages wrapped around his arms and legs. He looked outside, lost in his own world.

It was silent for a bit, until Alois hugged the boy tightly, tears falling from his eyes. Ciel jumped, looking at the crying blonde.

"I thought you were dead! I missed you so much!" He cried, causing Ciel hug his friend. Ciel didn't speak, he just shut his eye.

Ciel looked sad. His eyes- no eye, one eye was covering with a medical bandage- looked dull, drained of life. His face lacked a smile, or any emotion.

'What happened to you in that year?' The raven haired male thought, as he embraced his old friend.

Nothing Even Matters

Ciel never came back to school. Elizabeth said he had been afraid to face everybody he knew, and he was just scared of everybody. That didn't stop everyone from giving him gifts. Ciel's hospital room was filled with Flowers, chocolate, candy, and little notes of kindness. The sad part was however, he never ate the chocolate or the candy, never read the letters and he didn't take care of the flowers.

Winter came as Ciel was discharged out of the hospital and taken to live at his aunt's home. He lived in the empty room, never leaving. To say Ciel was getting better was wrong. If anything, Ciel was getting worse. He never talked, never ate, and always rejected his aunt's attempts to help him. Every night he screamed himself awake, but never allowed anyone to comfort him.

It hurt everyone to see Ciel in such a state.

Currently, it was the middle of the night. Elizabeth was asleep in her bed, sleeping peacefully. The door opened and a small figure walked inside. He walked to the blonde girl's bedside, shaking. Ciel gently shook his cousin awake.

Elizabeth woke, rubbing her eyes. "Ciel?" She asked, sitting up. "Is everything alright?"

Ciel shook his head, sitting on the bed. Elizabeth turned on her lamp, as she sat next to Ciel, "What's wrong, you can talk to me."

The bluenette looked at her, before looking at the ground.

"Elizabeth, can I ask you something?" He whispered, his eye focused on the ground.

"You can ask me anything." She spoke back, wrapping an arm around her cousin.

"D-Do you think I should have died with my parents?" He whispered. "Do you think that without me around everything would be better?" Ciel didn't look at his now wide-eyed cousin; all he focused on was the ground below him. Elizabeth pulled him into a tight hug, tears welling in her two green eyes.

"Ciel, please don't speak like that. Do you want to know something? After your 'death', everything changed. Your friend's changed, so did I. We couldn't live without you in our lives Ciel. Alois Trancy got into a lot of trouble just because he didn't have somebody to cheer him up all the time. Sebastian Michaelis stopped talking to a lot of people, and he just stopped caring all together." She whispered. "I stopped smiling, so did the family. It hurt so much to lose you Ciel. Lots of people care for you."

Ciel was silent. The bluenette had no idea that his disappearance affected so many people. He didn't want people to suffer because of him.

It was then he decided to make thing better, not just for him, but for everybody.

Nothing Even Matters

It was a bright and sunny Monday morning. The Midford family was busy making breakfast. They were too busy to notice a door opening and closing, and somebody coming down the stairs.

A small figure, only wearing sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt walked into the kitchen. A medical eye patch covered his right eye.

"Do you need any help?" He asked his aunt, his one eye looking at the now shocked family of his. Francis smiled, and hugged his nephew.

"You can help Edward set the table if you would like." She spoke, a smile on her face.

Ciel nodded, and walked with Edward to the table, helping him set the table for a family breakfast. He set the plates down on the circular placemats, and then started to set the napkins and silverware down.

Soon after, the family sat down for breakfast. They talked and ate, reminding Ciel of when his family was alive and when they always ate breakfast together.

The two children then stood up and went to wash their dishes. They then went to their rooms and got ready for school. Ciel picked up the plates and put them in the sink. He started to wash the dishes, his mind drifting every so often.

When he was finished with cleaning the dishes, he went back to his room, and got dressed. He pulled off his baggy sweatshirt, and looked in the mirror at his scar ridden back. His eyes focused on the red brand by his ribcage.

Shaking his head, he grabbed a t-shirt from his dresser and threw it on. He then took off his sweatpants and quickly put on his shirt. Walking downstairs, he ventured into this kitchen- where his aunt was putting dishes away.

"Hey auntie?" Ciel called, sitting on the stool to the island. "Can I talk to you?"

Francis looked at him, smiling sweetly. "You can ask me anything Ciel."

Ciel looked down at his bandaged arms, twiddling with his thumbs. "D-Do you remember that time when you asked me about getting a therapist?" He mumbled, his eye focused on his hands.

The woman nodded, raising an eyebrow.

"D-Do you t-think that maybe I could try seeing a therapist?" The depressed boy looked up at her. She covered her mouth with her hand and nodded, hugging the boy tightly.

"Of course…"

Nothing Even Matters

Ciel changed in the past few months. He still wouldn't talk to anyone outside of his family, and there would be days where he would relapse.

It was a Sunday afternoon. Ciel was lying on his bed, staring at his wall. Suddenly, he started shaking. He was screaming, crying, begging for somebody to stop, and pleading for someone to save him.

Thankfully, Francis rushed into his room as soon as she heard his pleas, and pulled him into her arms, whispering kind words of comfort into his ear. The crying boy held onto his aunt, his sobs turning into soft hiccups. Francis rubbed his back, allowing the 14 year old to relax in her arms.

"I'm sorry…" Ciel whispered, wiping his eyes of the stray tears.

Francis hugged him tighter, "It's okay to cry, Ciel. Even though we don't know what happened, it's okay. You went through some trauma; you are going to have flashbacks once in a while. Just know that everyone is here for you." She whispered, letting go of the teenager. "Are you okay now?" She asked, causing Ciel to nod, a small smile on his face.

Ciel was nightmare free for about a few weeks, until one night he had a terrible nightmare.

_Hands kept touching Ciel's bruised and bloodied body. The young Ciel cried and begged for them to stop. One male got fed up with his screaming, as he grabbed a rag and tied it around Ciel's mouth. Ciel's please became muffled. _

_The men grabbed the boy's pants and jerked them off. Another male spread the youngling's legs open, exposing his limp cock. The men all laughed, as one of the men took off his own briefs, and went on top of Ciel. Tears filled the young one's eyes, pouring down his cheeks._

"_Don't cry little one, this will bring you so much pleasure." The older lied, his voice raspy and his breath smelling like smoke. _

_The male flipped the younger over, exposing his tight hole. The male wet his three fingers and stuck them in the bluenette's hole, causing said male to scream out. His screams and pleas were muffled, but the tears were rolling down his cheeks. _

_The man stuck his large cock into the boys now stretched hole. Ciel cried out, pain filling his system. He trembled, a scream coming out of his mouth when the man started thrusting. The man left a trail of kisses on the boys back, right by the brand he left a few months ago. _

_After a while, the male pulled out of the young boy, putting his pants back on and walked away. _

"_Put him back in his cage." He spoke in a deep voice, and walked away. The men complied first taking the rag out and then grabbing the boy and threw him in his disgusting cage, along with his clothes. _

_Ciel curled up in a ball, using his scarred arms to wrap around his body, crying deeply. _

_They took everything away from him. _

Ciel screamed himself awake, tears filling his eyes. He brought his legs up to his knees, and hid his head in his legs, crying softly. His legs shook, his head hurt. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and sat on the edge of his bed, looking at his hand.

He realized then that he would never be the same ever again.

Nothing Even Matters

It was summer; Ciel had been getting better, but lonely at the same time. He would always stare out the window, or when Elizabeth and Edward were hanging out with their friends he would always wish he could go with them.

School was around the corner, and Ciel was preparing himself to ask his aunt about it.

He stepped downstairs, and walked to the living room, where his aunt and uncle sat taking.

"Um, Auntie, Uncle, can I have a word with both of you?" Ciel asked quietly, causing the two adults to nod. Ciel sat on the chair across from his parents.

"I was wondering- do you think I can go back to school this year? I don't like being locked up in this house all the time. I want to go back to school and see my friends again, you know?" He asked, looking at his hands.

Francis looked at Alexis, and nodded.

She opened her mouth to speak, when Ciel looked up at her, his blue eye filled with hope.

Nothing Even Matters

It was the beginning of the school year. Boys and girls walked into the school like they have walked into a prison.

However, a young male by the name of Ciel Phantomhive was excited to be back at school. He couldn't wait to see his friends and learn again. Ciel looked at his schedule, and looked for the Science room. He walked around for what seemed like hours until he found it, and walked inside. Weirdly enough, he was the first person in the class. He picked the seat in the back, and put down his bag. What caught his attention was the familiar voice's that filled the classroom.

"Honestly Sebastian, you really are a pain…" The blonde chuckled, sitting down two seats in front of Ciel, Sebastian sitting right next to him.

"Hey, it's part of my charm~" Sebastian replied, flipping his long raven locks, and letting out a laugh.

The bell rang, as students filed in, taking seats. The teacher walked into the classroom, a smile on her old face.

"Hello class, I am Ms. Blanc. I wil be your teacher for this year."

The day was boring. Ms. Blanc gave out locker numbers and codes, as well as papers to read over. Most of the time the students talked or passed notes while Ms. Blanc was talking. When the bell rung, the whole class ran out, getting to their other class.

Lunch came by fast. Ciel walked into the lunchroom, nervously. He looked at a table, and saw Alois, Sebastian and Elizabeth all talking, laughing and having a good time. Letting out a breath, he walked to the table, and asked.

"Um, do you mind if I sit here?" He asked quietly, causing Sebastian to look up. Red eyes widened, as he stood up and hugged Ciel tightly.

"Ciel! You're back! I've missed you so much!" The raven haired male whispered, his voice slightly cracking. He wrapped his arms tighter around his friend's small body, as if he would disappear if he let go.

Ciel smiled, and chuckled. "I'm back.." He gasped out, "C-Can you let go please?" He spoke, causing Sebastian to let go of him.

He sat down at the table, and noticed a tall, slim, yellow eyed boy walking over to the table, and sitting down, giving Sebastian a peck on the cheek.

For some weird reason, that hurt Ciel. Ciel looked at Elizabeth, hurt in his eyes. Elizabeth wrapped her arm around him, mouthing 'It's going to be alright.'

Ciel nodded, and looked at his hands, not talking. He felt his heart break when he saw Sebastian and the man kissing. He stood up, and walked to the bathroom. Tears filled his blue eye, and he quickly wiped it away.

Alois looked worried, and quickly ran after him.

"Ciel!" Alois yelled, grabbing into Ciel's scarred arm. Ciel looked back at him, tears filling his blue eye, Alois led him to the bathroom, where they could talk in private.

The two men were in the bathroom, as he watched Ciel walk to the mirror and look himself over.

"Ciel, what's wrong?" Alois asked, hesitantly.

"Everything…" The broken boy replied, shutting his eye. "If I never went missing, I would never be like this. I would be happy, and I wouldn't have my heart broke like this!" He yelled, he smashed the mirror out of rage, and sat on the floor, sobbing.

Alois gasped, and went to get a nurse. While he ran, he bumped into Sebastian.

"Is everything okay with Ciel?" Sebastian asked, but Alois ignored him, quickly rushing to the nurse's office.

Sebastian looked worried, and ran to the nurse with Alois.

"Ms. Mey, its Ciel! H-He need's medical help! In the boy's bathroom, now!" Alois stuttered out, as he rushed into the nurses room. The nurse shot up, and grabbed a first aid kit and ran back tot eh boys bathroom.

Alois rushed in to find Ciel on the ground, curled in a ball, clutching his bleeding hand. Shards of glass were scattered around him, as well as blood dripping from the fresh wound onto his shirt. Tears rolled down his cheeks. The bluenette looked afraid, and started whimpering. He started breathing heavily.

Sebastian gasped, having following the group to the scene. Ms. Mey helped the boy up, and walked him to the nurse's office, carrying him in her arms, whispering nice words into his ear.

Sebastian gulped. 'Is this my fault? Did I do something to make him like this?' Sebastian thought as he stopped. He watched Ms. Mey carry the sobbing Ciel, and Alois following, worried.

In Ciel's eyes, he felt the pain if a knife being dragged along his arm, and the heat of the iron poker radiating onto his pale skin. He whimpered, tears pouring out of his eyes. All of a sudden he was in somebody's arms, as comforting words were being whispered to him.

He was set down on a bed, and he saw a woman in white grab his hand, before taking tweezers and removing the glass.

Ciel whimpered when he felt the nurse gently take the shards out of his hand, and clean the blood off his hand. She took some bandages and wrapped his hand in them.

"Do you want me to call your aunt?" She asked sweetly, causing the depressed boy to nod, his one eye focused on the ground.

He felt ashamed. He had not only had his heart broke, but he freaked out during school. Ciel made his friends worry, and that was the only thing he wanted to avoid.

His aunt came a while later, and held the boy in her arms. He let a few tears fall, as she help him. He imagined that his aunt was his mom, and she was protecting him from all the dangers around him.

Ciel let his aunt carry him out of the school, as he lay his head on her shouler, letting the tears go free.

His therapy session didn't go so well after that event.

"So you had a flashback after you found someone you loved for many years killing another boy?" Ms. Faustus asked, pushing up her glasses.

The tiny boy nodded, shrinking in his chair. "I don't know what overcame me. I just felt so heartbroken when I saw him kiss another person. It just made me feel unloved." Ciel looked at the ground, tears forming in his eyes.

"Ciel." His therapist spoke sternly. "Don't ever say that you are unloved. You know that it is not true. Now, I know that you have been through a lot, but I am here to make you get better. I want you to start believing that you will get better, and start thinking positive. I want you to try to block out those memories, and start a new life. Just because you suffered realty doesn't stop you from being happy. Forget what those men said about you, forget about what they said to you, you are stronger than this Ciel. I want to see you grow old and happy."

It was those words that motivated Ciel to get stronger.

Nothing Even Matters

Ciel walked into school the next week with a confident look on his face. Today he wouldn't relapse, he wouldn't scream, he wouldn't be depressed; all he would do is wear a smile on his face and be happy.

Ciel walked into first period and went up to the teacher, explaining to her why he was nto at school for the week, and asking for any missed work. Gladly, there wasn't a lot, and she gave Ciel a folder of Science work. Ciel took the folder and put it into his bag. He sat in his seat, that so happened to be right by Alois.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Alois whispered, causing Ciel to chuckle.

"I'm doing alright, thank you though." Ciel replied. Alois smiled, and gave him a pat on the back.

"Welcome back to school Ciel." Alois smiled. Deep inside he knew that Ciel would not be the same, but he would accept the consequences and try to make him better.

It was lunch, and today Sebastian's boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Sebastian sat there, twiddling his thumbs. Elizabeth was talking to him, quietly.

"You know, Ciel really has a crush on you, that's why he left after you and Claude were kissing." She whispered. Sebastian's heart skipped a beat.

"H-He does?" The raven asked, his heart sinking as he realized what he did. "I hurt him, didn't I? I'm so stupid!" Sebastian put his head in his hands, and let out a groan.

Elizabeth saw Ciel walk into the cafeteria, and she nudged Sebastian. "You can apologize to him."

Sebastian looked over to see Ciel sitting down, a tray of food in his hands, right next to Sebastian.. Alois sat next to him, nudging his shoulder. Ciel gulped, and looked at the raven haired man.

"Hey." They greeted in unison, causing the two to laugh.

Sebastian started talking.

"Hey Ciel, I am sorry for hurting you like that. I didn't mean to hurt you. Will-" He was cut off by Ciel smiling.

"Sebastian, can I um ask you something?"

"Sure. What do you want?" Sebastian asked again, looking into Ciel's eye.

"Will you um be my boyfriend?"

Sebastian's eyes widened. He smiled and hugged him tightly.

"You have no idea how long I have waited for you to ask that. Of course I will be your boyfriend Ciel. I love you."

Nothing Even Matters

It had been two years since Sebastian and Ciel started dating. Over the course of two years, Ciel has gotten better. He stopped relapsing, and when he did, he would always be comforted by his family or Sebastian.

His scars never went away, the burns and the scars remained on his arm, a reminder of what happened to him.

Some days, he would question why Sebastian loved him, why he would love a broken boy who was covered with scars. Every time he would say

"I love you because you are beautiful."

Sebastian was always there whenever Ciel needed him.

Because of Sebastian- Ciel's life was getting better.

Nothing Even Maters

It was a few years after high school. The couple was out of school and living in their own apartment. Sebastian had stayed with Ciel for about six years. Ciel never left Sebastian's side, and Sebastian always reminded Ciel how beautiful he was.

It was one morning- the couple woke up together in their bed. Sebastian's long arms were wrapped around Ciel's waist. He smiled as he turned around, facing his high school sweetheart. The couple got up and got dressed. They decided to spend the nice spring day in the park.

The couple was walking in the park, hand in hand. Ciel leaned his head on Sebastian's shoulder. The two sat underneath a tree, talking about random things.

Sebastian got up, causing Ciel to get confused.

"Ciel…" Sebastian started, clearing his throat. "I have known you since birth I know I couldn't be there when you were missing for a year, and I know I cannot take the pain away forever. However, I want to ask you something." The raven got on one knee. "Ciel Alexander Phantomhive. Will you allow me to see your face every waking moment? Will you allow me to care you for all the time? Ciel, will you marry me?" He asked, taking a black box from his pocket and opening it, showing a big ring with a blue diamond in the middle.

The bluenette covered his mouth, and nodded, tears filling his eyes.

"Yes, a million times yes!" Ciel cried, allowing Sebastian to put the ring on his finger, before kissing him deeply.

Sebastian wasn't his first, nor could he ever be, but Sebastian was the first one who could make him forget about all of the pain he suffered through.

Sebastian was going to be with him, for ever and ever.

**I am sorry if this felt rushed. Can't write for shit. Sorry. **


End file.
